Our daughter graduated from high school a few months ago and is heading off to college soon.  Needless to say, we’ve been filling our long summer days with fun and making the most of the time before she leaves (sorry for my reduced writing schedule!).  She’s our only child, so that significant milestone in her life – adulthood – is also a significant milestone for my wife and I – empty nesting.  With our whole household moving on to an exciting new phase, I’ve had more time than usual to think about, experience and better understand transitions.  And since retirement, at its core, is about transition, I wanted to share a few thoughts.  Today I’ll talk about the feelings and emotions that come along with transitions.  And in future posts, I’ll talk about changes to be ready for as well as ways to make the most of any new phase in life.

Feelings and Emotions

When going through major life transitions like retirement or empty nesting, you’ll likely experience a wide range of emotions.  That’s totally normal.  Some that I’ve experienced or seen clients experience include:

Loss/Sadness: Major transitions often mark the end of a significant chapter in your life, and it’s natural to feel a sense of loss or sadness.  The absence of familiar routines, roles or relationships can leave you feeling sad or nostalgic.  I’m proud of and excited for our daughter, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a bit melancholy about seeing her leave. 

Excitement/Enthusiasm: While it’s normal to marvel at how quickly time has passed and mourn what gets left behind, it’s also common to experience excitement or enthusiasm about what lies ahead.  Embracing new possibilities, pursuing personal interests, exploring different paths and connecting (or reconnecting) with those important to you can evoke a sense of adventure and anticipation.

Fulfillment/Accomplishment: Major life transitions can provide an opportunity for reflection and a sense of achievement.  You look back on certain accomplishments or milestones with a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction.  You reflect on the positive impact you’ve had as a parent or in your career.  You think about all the ways you’ve changed, grown and evolved.  Sure, you’ll likely have a regret or two.  Who doesn’t.  But the yin to that yang is typically the satisfaction of having run a good race.

Uncertainty: Life transitions almost always contain an element of uncertainty.  When faced with a major change, it’s natural to feel unsure about your future, your purpose or how to structure your time. That uncertainty can lead to feelings of anxiety or unease.  It usually passes fairly quickly, however, as you move forward into your new daily routine.

Grief: Transitioning from a busy, active phase of life to a quieter or less structured one can bring about a grieving process.  Some may mourn the loss of time, their previous identity or the life they had grown accustomed to.

Relief: On the other hand, some may experience a sense of relief during major life transitions.  The stress, burdens or responsibilities associated with raising children or maintaining a demanding career can ease a bit, allowing for a newfound sense of freedom and relaxation.

Loneliness: The absence of daily interactions with children or colleagues can contribute to feelings of loneliness.  Adjusting to a quieter home or a less socially active lifestyle may require finding new ways to build connections and create a sense of community. 

Identity shift:  Life transitions often prompt a reevaluation of one’s identity.  Empty nesters or retirees may grapple with questions about who they are beyond their parental or professional roles.  This process of identity shift can be both challenging and liberating and it’s why it’s so important to retire to something rather than just from something.

Of course, emotions can vary significantly from person to person.  Some of the above are hitting me hard and others aren’t registering at all.  There are things you can do to make the transition easier and get the most out of your new circumstances.  I’ll talk about those next time.  Until then…

Be Intentional,

Joe