15 retirement words that don’t exist, but should.

retirement words

I’d like to take a moment to thank the good people at Merriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionaries.

Each year they faithfully add hundreds of new words in an effort to help us all communicate more efficiently and effectively.  After all, without those additions, how would we know the difference between fracking and twerking?

I mean seriously.  How did our ancestors survive without acronyms like MOOC and YOLO?  And without words like selfie, how would we describe carefully choreographed, deceptively flattering photos of ourselves?  Vanity photo?  Ego pic?  Those sound so…narcissistic.

So in the interest of a more perfect lexicon, I have a few submissions I’d like to make for 2014.  Below are 15 retirement words that don’t exist, but should (feel free to suggest your own in the comments section below).

1)     Jobby: noun.  plural jobbies.  A hobby that you enjoy and are passionate about that you turn into a job or second career during retirement.  Running the bed and breakfast is a jobby of mine.

2)     Benboozle: verb. See also benboozled, benboozling.  To deceive retirement savers into believing that they have enough money, only to make it incredibly difficult for them to generate retirement income due to financial repression and a policy of zero percent interest rates similar to that instituted by Ben Bernanke.  I thought my nest egg was adequate until Bernanke came along and benboozled me.

3)     Moneymoon: noun.  That brief period after you retire when you’re more concerned about having meaningful experiences than you are about running out of money.  The bills from our African Safari came in today and unfortunately, the moneymoon is over.

4)     Casabanka: noun.  A house that is used to fund one’s retirement via a reverse mortgage.  If our nest egg isn’t big enough, we may need to withdraw money from casabanka.

5)     Boomerboomerangnoun.  A person who retires, but misses the challenge and social interaction of their job, so they return to work either full or part-time.

6)     YOLHO: slangYou Only Leave Home Once!  Acronym used by empty nesters to discourage their adult children from moving back home when the latter are struggling with the poor economy or bad job prospects.

7)     Refire: verb. See also refired, refirng.  When a person retires sooner than they expected because they got fired, downsized or laid off.  Matt refired from his job at the factory when they brought in a machine to do his job.

8)     Someday Window: noun.  The wonderful window of time during life when you are retired, healthy and able to do all the things that you’ve been putting off until “someday.”  [Note: See “Someday is Here!” for ideas on making the most of your someday window.]

9)     Maximalist: noun.  A person who lives life thoroughly and to the full.  Similar to how a minimalist will structure their life around minimizing possessions, a maximalist will structure their life around maximizing experiences.

10)   Globetalker: noun.  A person who talks frequently about the globetrotting and travel that they have done or plan on doing.

11)   Taxile: noun.  A retiree who leaves their home state due to an unfavorable tax structure.  I haven’t always lived in Florida.  I’m a taxile from Nebraska.

12)   CRLP: slangCash Rich, Lifestyle Poor.  Acronym used to describe a person who treats retirement solely as a math problem.  They have enough money, but don’t use it to enjoy life.

13)   Doughphobia: noun.  An abnormal fear of outliving your money.

14)   Fibflation: noun.  A false estimate of the general rise in prices used by the government to justify an unfair cost of living adjustment in Social Security.

15)   To-Don’t List: noun.  A list of tasks, activities or obligations that you plan to quit doing once you retire, usually organized in order of priority.  This is my last year as club president.  Once I retire, it’s totally going at the top of my To-Don’t List.

Bonus word:  I originally wrote this article for Dow Jones and they published it yesterday at their MarketWatch website.  Not surprisingly, several of my word suggestions didn’t make it through the editing process for one reason or another.  Just for fun (and because my editorial standards are a bit looser than those at Dow Jones), I thought I’d share my favorite word that ended up on the cutting room floor.

F**ket Listnoun.  The most dangerous items on your Bucket List that you’re saving until you’ve lived a long life and no longer care if you die in an adrenaline filled wipeout.  On his 90th birthday, Sam crossed wingsuit flying off his F**ket List.

Hope you’re all doing well.  Have a great week!

~ Joe

Photo by gadgetgirl.  Used under Creative Commons License.

9 Responses to “15 retirement words that don’t exist, but should.”

  1. Barbara February 25, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

    I always enjoy reading your posts, but this is now my favorite. Hilarious. Thanks so much for inserting a very bright moment in a cold, dreary winter day!

    • Joe Hearn February 26, 2014 at 10:28 am #

      Thanks Barbara!

  2. Mark February 25, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

    PSISpouse -The reaction to having your retired spouse home ALL day.

    • Joe Hearn February 26, 2014 at 10:53 am #

      What does the PSI stand for Mark? Pounds per square inch? Planetary Science Institute? Sorry, I’m slow sometimes. 🙂

      • Mark February 26, 2014 at 6:42 pm #

        Personal Space Invasion Syndrome

        • Joe Hearn February 28, 2014 at 9:33 am #

          Gotcha. Yeah, I’ve had a few newly retired clients tell me that being home all day together can be a bit of an…adjustment.

  3. Jean February 25, 2014 at 10:10 pm #

    These are hilarious. In this, my last semester of teaching, the “to-don’t list” particularly resonated. As in “I’ll never have to read another pile of first drafts of papers” or “I’ll never have to write/grade another exam1”

    • Joe Hearn February 26, 2014 at 10:48 am #

      Yes Jean, that’s one of my favorites as well. 🙂 Congrats on the pending retirement!

  4. Bob May 9, 2014 at 8:52 pm #

    Joe, I enjoy your blog…very insightful and helpful.

    BTW…just did a “mini-retirement” vacation and rethinking retirement sooner than later.

    A few more?

    “McSeniors” (noun) it’s the new senior center…where the retired gather for “senior coffees” and socialize because the real senior center is “just for old people” according to my 77 year old mother.

    Every Mc D’s we stopped at for breakfast on our cross country drive had seniors there doing senior coffees. Now we do them too since we discovered this secret perk. Ironic, we start out with happy meals and retire to senior coffees but Ronald McDonald still has his red hair? all of it too?

    “V8ment” (noun) that moment in time when the thought pops in your head that you really can retire!

    “Robbin-good” (verb) the day you turn 70 to maximize your social security benefit and contemplate how to minimize your 401k required minimum distribution (RMD) for taxes because ye old Uncle Sam doth giveth and taketh so he is “robbin-good.”

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