by Joe Hearn | Aug 27, 2012 | Happiness, Pursuits, Retirement
When talking with clients about retirement, I almost always hear some variation of the following sentence: “I just want to be happy.”
The more I heard the “H” word, the more I asked myself “What actually makes us happy?”
There’s certainly no single answer to that question. In fact, the answers seem limitless. Not only that, but we don’t seem particularly good at knowing what will make us happy. The things we choose—say, money for example—often provide a short-term, fleeting sense of pleasure rather than a deep, abiding sense of happiness.
With that said, I decided to do a series of posts (300 should do the trick :)) on well researched, quantifiable things that have been proven to make us happy. When I come across a particular fact, idea or action that is likely to make us happy, I’ll write about it.
Happiness Principle #1: Balance Pleasures and Comforts
In his book The Joyless Economy, Tibor Scitovsky argues that there are two kinds of potential experiences in life: pleasures and comforts. By pleasures he means risks or pursuits. These are the new experiences in our lives. The things that get us out of our comfort zone and stimulate our minds. Pleasures include things like meeting someone new, exploring an unfamiliar city, ordering something new off the menu or learning a new hobby or skill.
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”
~William Shedd
Then there are comforts. These are the things that we know and are used to. They’re safe and predictable. They provide stability. Comforts are things like our home, family, longtime friends and the job we’ve had for years.
“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.”
~Abraham Lincoln
Every day, we’re presented with choices between pleasures and comforts. Left to our own devices we tend to choose comforts. In fact, many times we’re so reluctant to embrace the unknown that we will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. We’ll persist in a bad job or a bad relationship, simply because we’re afraid of what would happen if we didn’t.
Not surprisingly, Scitovsky argues that finding balance between pleasures and comforts will ultimately make us happier than if we have a lopsided tendency toward only one.
Choosing the safe, predictable path (comforts) too often will leave you feeling unchallenged, uninspired and bored. Always taking the risk and stepping outside your comfort zone (pleasures), however, can leave you feeling stressed and unmoored. The key is to find a balance.
So how do we apply this to life and retirement? I certainly don’t have all the answers, but what I have tried to do is lay a solid foundation of comforts that give my family a sense of stability. Our home is not opulent, but it’s comfortable and meets our needs. We have great friends, a church where we feel connected and our daughter is in a good school. In addition, we’ve tried to manage our finances in such a way that we’re not always stressed about money.
What those things do is provide a sort of safety net so we can feel more comfortable (and sure footed) when taking a risk and pursuing pleasures. If we take a risk and it doesn’t work out, the foundation is still there. We can travel and know that we have a warm bed to go home to. We can go back to school (as my wife is doing now) or learn a new skill without feeling like we’re out-punting our coverage. Our daughter can join the soccer team or take up piano lessons and know that she can crash and burn and still have a family that loves her.
How about you? How are you doing balancing pleasures and comforts? Is there an area in your life where you’ve gotten too comfortable and you know it’s time for a change? Has the dogged pursuit of something left you feeling like you’re on shifting sand? If so, spend some time this week thinking about balance and you’ll be well on your way to achieving the happiness that we all look for.
~Joe
by Joe Hearn | Aug 13, 2012 | Pursuits, Retirement
Do you remember the scene from The Princess Bride where Vizzini keeps using the word “inconceivable” at all the wrong times? Inigo Montoya finally corrects him: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
When it comes to the word “retirement” I feel a little like Inigo must have felt. I keep hearing people use that word and I don’t think it means what they think it means. Most think it is synonymous with things like travel, leisure, adventure and fun. It is the time in their life when they will do everything they have always dreamed of.
A recent study by the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) shows that, when it comes to retirement, perception may be different than reality. The study, called the American Time Use Survey, analyzes how different age groups of Americans spend their day.
As you might imagine, everyone spends time sleeping, eating, shopping, working and enjoying leisure activities. How much time we spend on those different activities varies depending on our life-stage. Students understandably spend more time on educational activities. People in their prime working years spend more time at the office.
How people reallocate their time when moving from their working years into retirement can tell us a great deal about the state of retirement in America. Do we spend our Golden Years living life to the full or does retired life look suspiciously like our working years?
The Results
To get an idea, I compared two groups of people from the study: those in their prime working years (55 to 64) and those in the years typically associated with retirement (65 to 74). The study showed that those in retirement spent less time on things like working, educational activities, and caring for others like their children. They spent more time on things like personal care, eating, household activities, shopping, leisure, civic activities and talking on the phone. In all, a typical retiree took 2.5 hours per day away from activities like work and added those 2.5 hours into activities like leisure.
Too much T.V. Not enough travel.
If that number surprises you, you’re not alone. It surprised me too. The study seems to show that the typical day in retirement doesn’t look drastically different from the typical day during your working years. Rather, it is a reallocation of 10-20 percent of our day from things that we are obligated to do to things that we choose to do.
Said another way, retirement happens at the margins. You won’t be handed a 30 year uninterrupted block of time at your retirement party to do with what you want. You will be given a few extra hours each day. How disciplined and creative you are with those few extra hours will largely determine how fulfilling your retirement years will be.
How are current retirees doing in that regard? The numbers are a little concerning. According to the BLS study, retirees are currently allocating about 9.45 of their extra hours each week to leisure activities like travel, recreation, reading and socializing. That seems like a promising start. Unfortunately, the bulk of that time (5.42 hours to be exact) is spent watching T.V. The rest is spent on things like relaxing (about an hour), socializing (44 minutes), and activities like travel (a whopping 3.6 minutes).
That’s not exactly the stuff that retirement dreams are made of. So why are people choosing the television over travel and other retirement pursuits? It is likely because more and more people are entering retirement financially unprepared and without a clear idea of what they want to do. In other words, television is winning by default. How can we do better?
Save enough—Some of the best things in life are free, but pretty much everything else costs money. If your plans include travel, hobbies, a vacation home or anything else that costs money, it’s important to make sure you’ve set enough aside. I’m sure many retirees in the BLS study would love to do more with their time, but they just can’t afford it. Before retiring, work closely with a trusted adviser to make sure that you are on track to save enough to fund the type of retirement you want.
Simplify—During retirement you are given the same 24 hour day that you had during your working years. The more efficiently you are able to handle things like cleaning the house, getting groceries, mowing the yard, and going to the doctor, the more time you will have to allocate to things like family, relationships, education, adventure, community, hobbies, travel, and health. Do everything you can to simplify, condense, consolidate, minimize, or outsource the maintenance so you can be free to spend more of each day focusing on milestones.
Have specific plans—As you transition into retirement, it’s helpful to have specific, new plans that will force you to steer off the well-worn path you’ve become accustomed to and proactively pursue your new goals. If you don’t have specific new plans, it’s easy to fall into a routine that doesn’t look much different from your working years, save for sleeping in a little bit and having more time to run errands.
Retire to something, not from something—Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” Retiring to escape a job is a recipe for misery and discontent. Retiring to pursue things that you are passionate about is a recipe for meaning and fulfillment.
Dream big—When you dream big, something happens. It changes how you think and how you act. It changes the types of questions you ask. It inspires and changes those around you. What are your dreams for the future? What is the vision you have, not just for retirement, but also for the rest of your life? If you can’t answer that question or if your answer doesn’t really inspire you, then stop everything else you’re doing and really think that through. Don’t settle for more Seinfeld reruns when retirement can be so much more.
Don’t quit learning—Those 65 and older in the BLS study reported spending zero hours per day on educational activities. That is unfortunate. Learning new things is a key element to an interesting, rewarding retirement. It helps to keep your mind sharp. It helps you figure out what you like. It helps you discover new things. It gives you people to interact with. It provides personal satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. Be a lifelong learner.
So as you head into retirement, remember to spend your time wisely. An hour here and there can make a big difference as long as you spend that time doing the right things. Be intentional with your day and having a mediocre retirement would be, well…inconceivable.
Have a great week! Spend some time thinking about what you will do with your day when you’re the one calling the shots.
Joe
I originally published this article at www.fpanet.org.
by Joe Hearn | Aug 2, 2012 | Hobbies, Pursuits, Retirement
One of the most important jobs at any museum is the Chief Curator. It’s his or her job to use a discerning eye and a deep understanding of the museum’s mission to select works that are appropriate for the collection. That is why you will see paintings by Pollock and Picasso at the Museum of Modern Art, but you won’t find any by Rembrandt. It is why you will see the Wright brothers’ plane at the Air and Space Museum instead of at the Museum of Natural History.
In a similar way, you’re the Chief Curator of your life. There are so many things that you could be doing; so many people you could be spending time with; so many things you could buy. It is all too easy to flood your life with stuff, people and activities.
The challenge is to be purposeful with what you allow in. To select things that fit well and to cull those that don’t. To choose the right friends and the ideal activities that fit perfectly with who you are and what you want out of life.
It’s easy to get lazy and start letting things in by default. We hang out with people because they’re somewhere in our orbit of friends, not because we feel drawn to them. We say ‘yes’ and become obligated just because someone asks, not because we feel compelled to do whatever it happens to be. Before we know it, our “collection” is a cluttered hodge podge of the weird, unrelated and uninteresting.
You can do better. Select your activities purposefully. Choose your friends wisely. Most importantly, don’t overstuff your life by saying “yes” to everything. Show me someone with a remarkable life and I’ll show you someone who is a tough curator.
Writer Nora Ephron understood this idea. She died recently, but I remember an interview she gave in her later years where she talked about awakening to the realization that her time was limited. She wanted to be discerning with what she did, even to the point of what restaurants she would go to. She said:
“Is this meal I’m having something I really want to have? If someone says to me, let’s go somewhere and it’s not good, I say ‘Let’s not.’ Because I have a finite number of meals ahead of me and they are all going to be good.”
The lesson? Choose everything—friends, hobbies, work, philanthropy, clothes, vacations, meals, gadgets, books, etc.—with a discerning eye. Your life will be defined by what you allow in and what you keep out.
by Joe Hearn | Jul 30, 2012 | Pursuits, Retirement
You’re too busy. So am I. Pretty much all of us are. It’s like there’s a Busy Virus sweeping the nation and most of us are carriers. Call it the Busy Zombie Apocalypse. Some have managed to avoid the contagion, but not many.
Signs of infection include packed schedules, overwork, exhaustion, stress, anxiety, and a complete loss of the boundaries between our work and personal time.
If scientists were to trace the virus back to its origin, I suspect that “Patient Zero” would either be Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. Both gave us amazing inventions that wowed us and drew us in, but also sowed the seeds of our infection. The iPhone, iPad and Facebook were like Sirens calling us all to shore. Most of us heeded the call and set sail for the enchanting music coming from just beyond the rocky coastline.
Don’t get me wrong. A busy schedule and useful tools are wonderful when they help us to be busy and productive with things that actually matter. Unfortunately, the opposite is often true. Our busyness is actually keeping us from accomplishing the things we really care about.
Why? When the Busy Virus strikes, it goes to your core and identifies what it is that you really want out of life. Then it hopelessly dilutes those dreams with a deluge of trivial and unnecessary tasks. It forces you to become efficient at doing the unimportant, and ultimately prevents you from becoming effective at the things that really matter to you.
The Cure
If you’re going to have a meaningful retirement, you need to embrace the idea that your goal is not to have busy days or full days, but days spent on things that bring meaning, fulfillment, purpose, fun, and happiness. For that to happen, you need to inoculate yourself against the Busy Virus.
Step 1 is to actually decide what you want out of life. You only get one go-around in this world and I’m guessing you don’t want your legacy to be defined by your high score in Angry Birds.
Create some space in your schedule this week to actually sit and think. What do you really want to do? What would fill you with a sense of purpose? What would make you happy and provide meaning? Dream big and have a vision for your life that goes beyond the daily treadmill of the trivial.
Step 2 is to start taking those plans very seriously. How much of your typical day is actually spent in service to the big dreams you outlined in Step 1? If the answer is “not much” then the Busy Virus is doing a good job at overwhelming your To-Do list. That’s about to change.
Step 3 is to purge. What tasks, obligations and responsibilities need to go? What can you finish up and be done with? What can you outsource or delegate? What has no business being there in the first place and just needs to be cut? Bring some sanity to your To-Do List by making a Stop-Doing List. As Tim Ferriss would say, be selective:
“Slow down and remember this: Most things make no difference. Being busy is a form of laziness—lazy thinking and indiscriminate action. Being overwhelmed is often as unproductive as doing nothing, and is far more unpleasant. Being selective—doing less—is the path of the productive.”
In other words, focus on the things that you’re passionate about and life will become more satisfying and less harried. Do more by doing less. Here are some additional articles and resources that can help.
Have a great week!
Joe
by Joe Hearn | Jul 24, 2012 | Learning Challenge, Pursuits
“Patience!” That was the advice that a French pastry chef gave me when I asked him for pointers on making croissants. I should back up. What set of circumstances brought me to the point where I was getting cooking advice from the former personal chef to the king of Saudi Arabia?
As many of you know, I believe that one of the keys to a full, rewarding life (both before and during retirement) is to constantly be learning new things. To stay disciplined in this area and intentional about learning new things, I do periodic “30-Day Challenges” where I will learn about something that interests me and then write about it here at the blog. Hopefully some of you will be inspired to follow along at home each month and we’ll be able to add something fun and interesting to our “life skills resume.”
For those keeping track at home, here’s our list so far:
- Learn all the countries of the world
- Learn to SCUBA dive
- Learn to make croissants with my wife
…and now, the rest of the story
Right about the time that my wife and I were buying a pastry board and watching Julia Child make croissants on YouTube, it was time to head out of town on vacation. Each year we take a trip with three other couples and spend a week or so hanging out, laughing and having fun. This year we went to the island of Anguilla in the British West Indies, where we could put our recent SCUBA certification to good use.
Each morning on the island started by either cooking a big breakfast at the house or visiting one of the excellent local bakeries. It was on one of those pastry runs that my friend Kelly and I found ourselves in Geraud’s Patisserie. Geraud is a friendly and unassuming guy. Just talking with him you wouldn’t know that his resumé contained training at Le Cordon Bleu and a stint as the personal chef to the king of Saudi Arabia, but those things come as no surprise after sampling a croissant or pain au chocoloat.
Since my wife and I were learning to make croissants, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to ask Geraud for some pointers. As I said earlier, his primary advice was to be patient, which made sense, given that the time between mixing the dough and putting it in the oven is usually around twenty hours (with several interludes of flattening and folding to achieve those flaky layers present in a good croissant). He was also gracious enough to give me his croissant recipe and told me to email him if I had any questions.
Armed with his advice, the aforementioned Julie Child videos and lots of trial and error, my wife and I are trying to master the art of making a good croissant. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way with this challenge:
Do stuff with your spouse
Chances are good that, without a job or kids competing for your time, you’ll be spending a lot more time with your spouse during retirement than you did during your working years. With that in mind, it’s a good idea to have some things in common. My wife loves to cook. I’m terrible at it, but if I spend some time learning, we’ll have something new to talk about and do together. As you think about things you might like to learn, include your spouse in the process.
Expand your horizons
As I said earlier, I’m not a chef. I didn’t grow up cooking and I don’t really have any culinary knowledge beyond toast and omelets. Trying something totally new can sometimes be frustrating because you’re starting from scratch, but it can also open an entirely new area to you that you didn’t know you liked. Don’t be afraid to expand your horizons.
The more you learn and do, the more opportunity knocks
Had I not been learning to make croissants, I wouldn’t have given Geraud’s a second thought. I would have run in, grabbed breakfast and then gone about my day. Sometimes we miss great opportunities—a potential friendship, a solution to a problem, a fun experience—because we’re on autopilot and not really being intentional about life. Learning new things tends to remove the blinders.
“Sometimes serendipity is just intention unmasked.” ~Elizabeth Berg
What’s next?
When I speak to a group or do a seminar or workshop for clients, I usually use PowerPoint. It can be a great tool to reinforce what you’re talking about, but more often than not it can get in the way of what you’re trying to communicate because the slides can be boring, overcrowded and distracting.
I recently learned about new presentation software called Prezi that is really cool. It can help bring a presentation to life and present information in a way that people are likely to understand and remember. Go to Prezi’s website to watch a short video and see what I’m talking about.
Since my job is all about presenting ideas, I’m going to spend the next 30 days learning how to use Prezi. Once I have it down, I’ll put together a presentation on a retirement related topic and send it out with the next Learning Challenge update. Follow along if you’re interested or feel free to come up with a challenge of your own. Regardless, be intentional about learning and your life will be richer for it.
“We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.” ~Thomas Edison
by Joe Hearn | Jul 11, 2012 | Pursuits, Retirement
We recently passed the halfway mark for the year. Six months to go before breaking out the bubbly and Auld Lang Syne. How are you doing with your plans for the year? Are you making progress toward your retirement goals?
Ray Bradbury, the vaunted science fiction writer (Fahrenheit 451), died a few weeks ago. Many of his stories and books involved envisioning or even predicting the future. In real life, though, he seemed to prefer a less futuristic way of forecasting what was to come.
Listening to an interview that was being rebroadcast after his death, I thought he had a great insight on how he “predicted” the future in his own life and how you and I can do the same thing—no time machine necessary. He said:
“I’ve learned that by doing things, things get done. I’m not an optimist; I’m an optimal behaviorist. We ensure the future by doing it.”
When I heard him say that, I thought of Babe Ruth pointing to the center field bleachers in Game 3 of the 1932 World Series and then hitting a homerun to those bleachers on the very next pitch. Oftentimes, when we think about the future, we frame it in terms of our “hopes and dreams.” Bradbury (and Ruth) seemed to have little patience for that because it was passive and outside his control. Rather than optimism, he favored optimal behaviors. “What do I need to do to achieve the outcome that I want?” That’s a good question to ask yourself as you enter the second half of the year. What do you really want out of life and retirement? What do you need to do to make that a reality?
Hope you’re having a great week. Don’t be a stranger. Touch base with me if I can ever help.
Joe
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