by Joe Hearn | Mar 19, 2024 | Happiness, Lifestyle Design
I grew up in a house that my father built. He and my grandfather cleared the land, dug the basement, laid the blocks and framed the walls. He did the plumbing (he was a plumber by trade), the electrical, the finish carpentry, the painting and pretty much every other thing that goes into building a house. That was in the late 1970s. I lived in that house until I left for college 33 years ago. All of my memories from childhood are in and around that house.
A few days ago they tore it down to extend the runway of a nearby airport. I’m not overly sentimental about it, but it’s always a little sad to see people, places or things that were an integral part of your life disappear. But it’s also a good reminder that our time here is finite. That people, places and things will pass away. That our opportunities are limited. That we shouldn’t wait. The whole situation reminds me of the Robert Frost poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay.”
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Time, like the seasons, passes quickly. You only have a certain number of days left and each new day subtracts from fewer and fewer. Use those days – your life – wisely.
Be intentional,
Joe
by Joe Hearn | Feb 19, 2024 | Goals, Lifestyle Design
Research shows that most people have abandoned their New Year’s Resolutions by now. I’m even worse. I haven’t made mine yet! Life has been so busy the last few months, I haven’t yet finished my typical annual review and set my goals for the year. So I’m doing that now. And as I do, I’ve been reflecting on a few stories I heard this past year that illustrate the power of small wins and how they can help me (and you) when it comes to things like setting goals, becoming the person you want to be and retiring now with version 1.0 and then iterating and improving.
Story 1: When it comes to service at their theme parks, Disney very rarely focuses on the grand gesture. Instead, they do a whole bunch of little things right. And they do those little things so consistently and reliably, that they end up translating into a huge thing for their customers.
Story 2: Open AI created the artificial intelligence software Chat GPT. Each new version of the software has seen a huge leap in capability. When asked about this, Sam Altman (the CEO) said that none of their giant leaps was the result of a big technological breakthrough. Instead, they focus on making small tweaks and improvements to their current version and those changes eventually come together in a “sum is greater than their parts” sort of way that results in a huge leap in overall capability.
It’s tempting in life to set the huge goal or make the big change. Sometimes that’s helpful if it allows you to break free from routine or create a “burn the ships” mentality. But those types of goals also have a huge abandonment rate because they require so much effort, consistency, willpower and commitment. So consider instead, the option of setting a small goal or focusing on tiny improvements. The Japanese have a word for this: Kaizen. It means continuous improvement. You just try to get a little better today than you were yesterday. You make tiny improvements over months and years and, over time, those add up to huge change.
So yes, I’ll probably make 1 or 2 big goals this year, but mostly I’m just going to focus on getting a little better each day. At work. In my marriage. As a dad. In my faith. With my friends. With my health. How about you? How is 2024 going so far? If you want it to be a big year, think small. Don’t underestimate the power of small wins.
Be intentional,
Joe
Quick personal update: A few of you have checked in with me because I haven’t written much lately. No worries! Everything is great. Last year just got particularly busy (e.g. sending our daughter to college, moving, transitioning into our empty nest phase, running a growing business, traveling, etc.) and my writing schedule suffered a bit. But I’m back at the keyboard, so expect more soon. Small wins. 🙂
by Joe Hearn | Sep 4, 2023 | Lifestyle Design, Retirement
We dropped our daughter off at college (she’s been doing great) and that means that my wife and I are now officially empty nesters. In my last post, I discussed the emotions that accompany major life transitions like empty nesting or retirement. Today let’s look at some of the other challenges you can expect when moving into a new phase of life as well as how to overcome those challenges and make the most out of your new chapter.
Financial Adjustments: Transitions usually impact your finances in a variety of ways. Expect the most change as you move into retirement, because that transition affects both income and spending. You give up your regular paycheck while also having to figure out your new budget and spending habits. Throw in decisions regarding investments, pensions and Social Security benefits and you can see why moving into retirement usually means major adjustments to your finances.
Social Changes: Moving into a new phase of life usually brings changes to your social network. The absence of daily interactions with coworkers or the social circle that comes with a particular phase of life (such as parenting) may lead to a sense of isolation. Building new social connections and finding meaningful social activities can be important for maintaining a fulfilling social life in retirement.
Time Management: It’s not unusual for people to struggle to use their time effectively and find fulfilling activities as they enter a new phase in life. Part of that is just getting used to new schedules and routines. Part of that is filling the void left by things that were removed (e.g. work, interactions, commitments, etc.).
Health and Well-being: Because time marches forward, we’re a bit older with each new phase of life. That generally means a decline in your health and physical abilities. But it can also mean less stress and more time for things like exercise. Use the extra time to stay active and to focus on your physical and mental well-being.
Role Adjustments: Retirement often involves a shift in roles and responsibilities within your family. For instance, transitioning from parent to grandparent or assuming a caregiving role with aging parents. These role adjustments can bring both rewards and challenges as everyone adapts to new family dynamics.
Personal Identity: For many, a significant part of their identity is tied to their profession or the roles they played as a parent or caregiver. Retirees may need to explore new aspects of themselves, find new sources of fulfillment and redefine their sense of purpose.
Planning for the Future: Reaching retirement can feel like you’ve arrived, but there is still planning that needs to be done. This may involve estate planning, making healthcare decisions and ensuring financial security for the later stages of life. Navigating these complex decisions can be an additional challenge during the transition.
So those are some challenges we face as we move to a new phase in life. How can we overcome those challenges and make the most of the new opportunity?
Set Clear Goals: Take time to define your goals and aspirations for this new phase of life. Identify what you want to achieve, experience or learn. And, if married, don’t forget to make sure you’re on the same page with your spouse. Setting clear goals can give you direction and purpose as you navigate the transition.
Plan Financially: Evaluate your financial situation and create a realistic budget based on your retirement income. Meet with your financial advisor to ensure your financial resources align with your goals. Financial security will provide peace of mind and enable you to make the most of your retirement.
Pursue Interests, Activities and Hobbies: One of my 8 Habits of Successful Retirees is to retire to something, not from something. Have a plan for what you want to do during retirement. Engaging in activities you are passionate about can help you stay mentally stimulated, socially connected and provide a sense of purpose in your new phase of life.
Stay Active and Maintain Your Health: Prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Adopt a healthy lifestyle by engaging in regular exercise, eating nutritious meals and getting enough sleep. And stay socially connected by cultivating friendships, joining clubs or organizations and participating in activities in your community.
Travel and Explore: Take advantage of the flexibility and time that retirement offers to explore new places and try new things. Travel can broaden your horizons, provide new experiences and create great memories with friends and family.
Volunteer: Consider volunteering your time and talents at organizations or causes that align with your values. Contributing to your community can give you a sense of purpose, help you stay engaged and make a positive impact on the lives of others.
Learn and Grow: Embrace lifelong learning and personal development. Enroll in a class or workshop that interests you. Pick up a new hobby that sounds fun. Learning and doing new things can keep your mind sharp, help you meet new people and generally make life more fulfilling.
Cultivate Relationships: Nurture your relationships with family, friends and loved ones. Be intentional about spending time with them and creating new shared experiences. Additionally, seek out new social connections by joining clubs, groups or activities where you can meet like-minded individuals.
Be Flexible: Be open to change and embrace the flexibility that retirement offers. Stay open-minded and willing to explore new possibilities. Take every opportunity to understand yourself better and make adjustments as necessary. Adaptability and a positive attitude can help you navigate any challenges that arise and make the most of every opportunity.
Be Intentional,
Joe
by Joe Hearn | Aug 4, 2023 | Retirement
Our daughter graduated from high school a few months ago and is heading off to college soon. Needless to say, we’ve been filling our long summer days with fun and making the most of the time before she leaves (sorry for my reduced writing schedule!). She’s our only child, so that significant milestone in her life – adulthood – is also a significant milestone for my wife and I – empty nesting. With our whole household moving on to an exciting new phase, I’ve had more time than usual to think about, experience and better understand transitions. And since retirement, at its core, is about transition, I wanted to share a few thoughts. Today I’ll talk about the feelings and emotions that come along with transitions. And in future posts, I’ll talk about changes to be ready for as well as ways to make the most of any new phase in life.
Feelings and Emotions
When going through major life transitions like retirement or empty nesting, you’ll likely experience a wide range of emotions. That’s totally normal. Some that I’ve experienced or seen clients experience include:
Loss/Sadness: Major transitions often mark the end of a significant chapter in your life, and it’s natural to feel a sense of loss or sadness. The absence of familiar routines, roles or relationships can leave you feeling sad or nostalgic. I’m proud of and excited for our daughter, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a bit melancholy about seeing her leave.
Excitement/Enthusiasm: While it’s normal to marvel at how quickly time has passed and mourn what gets left behind, it’s also common to experience excitement or enthusiasm about what lies ahead. Embracing new possibilities, pursuing personal interests, exploring different paths and connecting (or reconnecting) with those important to you can evoke a sense of adventure and anticipation.
Fulfillment/Accomplishment: Major life transitions can provide an opportunity for reflection and a sense of achievement. You look back on certain accomplishments or milestones with a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. You reflect on the positive impact you’ve had as a parent or in your career. You think about all the ways you’ve changed, grown and evolved. Sure, you’ll likely have a regret or two. Who doesn’t. But the yin to that yang is typically the satisfaction of having run a good race.
Uncertainty: Life transitions almost always contain an element of uncertainty. When faced with a major change, it’s natural to feel unsure about your future, your purpose or how to structure your time. That uncertainty can lead to feelings of anxiety or unease. It usually passes fairly quickly, however, as you move forward into your new daily routine.
Grief: Transitioning from a busy, active phase of life to a quieter or less structured one can bring about a grieving process. Some may mourn the loss of time, their previous identity or the life they had grown accustomed to.
Relief: On the other hand, some may experience a sense of relief during major life transitions. The stress, burdens or responsibilities associated with raising children or maintaining a demanding career can ease a bit, allowing for a newfound sense of freedom and relaxation.
Loneliness: The absence of daily interactions with children or colleagues can contribute to feelings of loneliness. Adjusting to a quieter home or a less socially active lifestyle may require finding new ways to build connections and create a sense of community.
Identity shift: Life transitions often prompt a reevaluation of one’s identity. Empty nesters or retirees may grapple with questions about who they are beyond their parental or professional roles. This process of identity shift can be both challenging and liberating and it’s why it’s so important to retire to something rather than just from something.
Of course, emotions can vary significantly from person to person. Some of the above are hitting me hard and others aren’t registering at all. There are things you can do to make the transition easier and get the most out of your new circumstances. I’ll talk about those next time. Until then…
Be Intentional,
Joe
by Joe Hearn | Jan 30, 2023 | Happiness, Lifestyle Design
Psychologist Amos Tversky once said: “You waste years by not being able to waste hours.” His quote was part of a broader conversation he was having about doing good research, but I think you can apply the sentiment to retirement as well. Your ideal life doesn’t just happen. It takes a bit of work. Because of that, we procrastinate and, by default, end up choosing long-term dissatisfaction over short-term effort or discomfort. In short, we waste years instead of hours.
Some examples? Not taking the time to figure out what you really want out of life and making sure you’re on a path that is taking you there. Not having an uncomfortable conversation to end a toxic relationship. Not getting that knee replacement surgery your doctor said you need. Not creating that detailed financial plan with your adviser. Not leaving a job you hate for one you enjoy. Not starting that new hobby because it will take time to learn and being a beginner is embarrassing. Not getting on the same page with your spouse regarding retirement plans.
In each of those situations, you could endure some short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain. In the investment world, we call that asymmetric upside. Big potential profit. Small potential loss.
Sometimes all that’s required is 20 seconds of bravery. Sometimes it requires a bit of experimentation or iteration. Sometimes it requires spending a few hours/days/weeks thinking and planning. Whatever the short-term cost, pay it. Don’t waste years of your life because you’re unwilling to “waste” a few hours setting your course.
Be Intentional,
Joe
