Do I really want this or do I just think I want it?

Do I really want this or do I just think I want it?

There are so many things that sound great in theory, but aren’t always great in practice. Take retirement for example.  No work.  Loads of free time.  Travel.  Those all sound great (and most of the time they are), but I’ve had retirees complain about every single one of them at one point or another over the years.  That’s why it’s so important to think about your plans and ask yourself this question before you enter retirement:

Do I really want this or do I just think I want it?

Another way to ask that might be “Do I want this in theory or in practice?”  Ask it of every major item on your retirement “To-do” list.  The only real way to answer that question is to experiment with your plans.  In other words, you actually start doing things.  Shocking concept!  You need to take all the things you have planned for “Someday” and start experimenting with them today.

This is not a trivial exercise.  It turns out that we’re pretty bad at predicting the things that will make us happy.  Scientists like Dan Gilbert at Harvard have done research that proves this.  So experimenting and doing the things on your list is a critical step to determine whether you’re on point or you need to go back to the drawing board.

And don’t feel bad if you don’t have things totally figured out.  None of us do.  That’s what experiments are for.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.”

Take those words to heart.  Don’t wait.  Get out of the lecture and into the lab.  Experiment.  Test.  Refine.  Who cares if it’s not perfect.  Who cares if you get dusty or bloodied.  You’ll learn from it and get better. Just start trying things.  As you do, your brain will make certain connections, you’ll meet people that will be integral to your plans, you’ll develop skills you need, you’ll build confidence, you’ll sharpen your focus.  None of that stuff happens overnight.  You can’t flip a switch and have total clarity regarding your purpose, plans and priorities.  It takes time.  The sooner you start, the better prepared you’ll be to make the most out of your retirement years.

~ Joe

4 Unexpected emotions in retirement

4 Unexpected emotions in retirement

I’ve helped many people transition into retirement over the years and when I ask a new retiree how things are going, the response is generally positive.  That said, retirement is a huge transition and there are always unexpected feelings or emotions that crop up.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong with your retirement.  It just means that you’re normal.  So don’t be surprised if you feel one or more of the following:

The Problem: I feel guilty.

This is surprisingly common and I’ve seen it manifest itself in two ways.  The first is guilt if you’re not doing much or making the most of your time.  You finally have some free time and you struggle with how to use it.  You feel guilty because watching T.V. or running errands doesn’t quite feel like sucking the marrow out of life.

The second is guilt if you’re doing fun stuff that your friends and family aren’t doing because they’re still working.  I’ve actually had clients hesitate before responding to me when I ask “What did you do today?”  The answer is “I went golfing” or “We saw a matinee and then went for a walk” but they are hesitant to say that because they know I spent my day behind a desk.  When prodded, they say they don’t want to make others feel bad or come across as boastful.

The fix

For the first type of guilt, don’t worry!  You’ll get better at it.  You control a much bigger piece of your time in retirement and that takes some getting used to.  Work hard to do things that leave you feeling happy and fulfilled, but keep in mind that not every minute of your day has to be spent bungee jumping or traveling.  Sometimes the best way to spend a day is binge watching House of Cards on Netflix.

For the second type of guilt, just allow it to pass.  Don’t become an insufferable braggart, but don’t feel guilty about enjoying your life either.  You worked hard and made good decisions.  Enjoy your time.

The problem: I’m second guessing my decision.

Buyer’s remorse is a real thing.  Chances are you’ve felt it if you’ve ever bought a house or had to make some similar big decision and feared making the wrong choice.  It can creep up after retirement as well and cause you to question whether you should have retired in the first place.

The fix

I have a client who has been dealing with this lately and she shared something that I thought was really insightful.  She said, “Whenever I second guess my decision, I focus on why I retired in the first place.”  Her choice would have been to work for five more years, but two things happened: Her mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and her grandkids were all at an age when hanging out with grandma was just about the best the thing ever.  If she had stuck to her timeline and worked for five more years, there’s a pretty good chance that her mom may no longer be around and her by then teenage grandkids will have priorities other than grandma.  In other words, she gave something up, but got something far greater in return. There are pros and cons with most decisions in life.  Retirement is no different.  Keep that in mind.

The problem: I feel disappointed.

Most of us have an idealized view of retirement.  Add years of anticipation to the mix or a personality that enjoys the structure and challenge of work and it’s not uncommon to feel a bit underwhelmed after entering retirement.

The fix

The best way to avoid disappointment is to retire TO something rather than FROM something.  If all you do is subtract things—work, obligations, commitments—you simply create a void in your life. That void can open you to self-doubt, regret, lack of purpose and boredom. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you take something out, you need to replace it with something else (e.g. travel, school, a second career, hobby, etc.).  The goal is not to do nothing. That just creates a void. The goal is to do what excites you.

And test those plans out before you retire.  I most often see disappointment arise when a person has prepared for retirement using all lesson and no lab.  In other words, all of their retirement plans are in their head or on a sheet of paper, and they haven’t spent any time actually testing and refining those plans.  Reality can’t compete with 40 years of idealized assumptions.

The problem: I feel like a fish out of water.

No matter how prepared you think you are for retirement, you will probably still struggle.  It’s a huge transition.  The routine you’ve had for the last 40 years is out the window.  That can be a bit disorienting for many people.

The fix

When talking with a client recently, she compared retirement to becoming a parent for the first time.  “Before becoming parents we read books, painted the nursery, sought advice from other parents and bought all the cribs, carriers and countless other things that parents need.  We thought we were totally prepared.  And then we had our first child and all that went out the window.  Retirement is similar.  As prepared as you think you are, you really can’t grasp what it takes or what it will be like until you’re actually living it.  Your experience will be totally different than the guy next door.”  Great advice.  Yes, there are tons of things that you can and should do to prepare, but the battle is always different than basic training.  Don’t get discouraged.  You’ll figure it out and get better at it with practice.  Focus on living the life that you want to live. Imagine your ideal life and then work backwards from there to figure out the most direct path to where you want to be. Focus intently on the things that matter to you and throw yourself into them wholeheartedly. That kind of focus and tactical thinking will help you rapidly flatten your learning curve and smooth your transition into retirement.

Remember that retirement is not a date on the calendar, it’s a life stage that will last for years.  Think back to when you first became an adult.  Were you better at it at 28 than you were at 18?  Of course.  The same will be true with retirement.  It might feel a little awkward at first, but you’ll get better at it over time.

~ Joe

Don’t throw good life after bad

Don’t throw good life after bad

In business, a sunk cost is a cost that has already been incurred and can’t be recovered.  Economists tell us that we shouldn’t factor these costs in when making a rational decision about how to proceed.  Since we’re human and hate losses, however, we often use these previous costs as justification to invest more.

The more we invest in something, the harder it becomes to abandon.  To change would be to admit that those previous investments were wasted.  That’s a tough pill to swallow, so we engage in what economists call a sunk cost fallacy or what psychologists call irrational escalation.  You and I might more easily refer to it as throwing good money after bad.  Or for my British readers, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Most of the discussion around sunk costs has to do with money, but money isn’t the only metric.  Time is another resource we invest.  So is effort.  We invest those things in relationships, life pursuits, plans for retirement, a career.  Sometimes those investments pay off and get us to where we want to be.  Other times we realize, if given the chance to do it over, we would have chosen differently.  In those cases, just like the business person should not throw good money after bad, we should not throw good life after bad.  Or good time after bad.  Or good friendship after bad.

The time, energy, effort and emotion we previously put into all those things are sunk costs.  We shouldn’t use the fact that we invested badly as an excuse to continue to invest badly.  Yes, changing course will force you to admit the mistake.  That might cause pain, stress, confrontation or ridicule, but it will be temporary and you will have the opportunity to move forward in the right direction.  If you continue in your error, you won’t have the short-term moment of pain as you admit error, but you will have the long-term pain and regret that comes from persisting in your error.  Which is worse?  The latter, by far.

It’s Monday morning.  You’re starting a new week.  Maybe you’re heading off to work.  Maybe you’re already retired.  Either way, be honest with yourself.  Is there anything on your calendar this week that you’re doing, not because you want to or because you think it’s the right thing for you and your life, but because you’ve invested a bunch of time/money/life pursuing that path and you don’t want to admit failure?  I do.  This article is your permission to stop.  If not today, someday soon.  For today, at least make a decision if not an action.  Decide “this is not what I want to do.”  And then start figuring out exactly what it is you do want and what needs to change to make that a reality.  In short:

  1. Admit your mistake. Choose temporary over permanent pain.
  2. Decide what it is you really want out of life.
  3. Have the courage to pursue that, regardless of what came before.

~ Joe

Systems and Habits

Systems and Habits

Quick review

I’m doing a 3-part series on how to overcome obstacles and achieve the real, significant and lasting change necessary to live the life you want, both now and in retirement.  It’s a 3-part series, because we’re covering 3 big ideas.  Idea #1 was minimalism: Deciding what doesn’t belong in your life—stuff, expenses, obligations, hassles, commitments, projects—and getting rid of it.  Idea #2 is Essentialism: Deciding what IS important and DOES belong in your life and then doing it more often and better.  And finally, Idea #3 is Systems and Habits: Taking the essentials from Step 2 and creating systems and habits that make doing those things consistent, automatic and nearly effortless.

Book Recommendations

For each part of the series, I’ve shared a book that dives deep into the issues at hand.  For this final part, I’m sharing two books.  The book focused on systems is How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams (Quick note: The book presents several powerful ideas, but also a few that are a little wacky).  The book focused on habits is The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

Why systems?  When you have a system in place, you have a repeatable process that is designed to get a desired result.  Apply that to life.  If you have certain desired results you want, both now and in retirement, why not create a system that is designed to produce those results?

Why habits?  Will Durant once said: “We are what we repeatedly do.  Greatness then, is not an act, but a habit.”  Once you have the systems in place, you want to make them effortless.  You achieve that by doing it over and over until it’s automatic.

Systems

Let’s look at systems first.  In How to Fail, Adams makes the provocative statement that goals are for losers.  If you really want to be successful at something, you should focus on systems instead.  He explains:

“For our purposes, let’s say a goal is a specific objective you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future.  A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run.  If you do something every day, it’s a system.  If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.

“Language is messy, and I know some of you are thinking that exercising every day sounds like a goal.  The common definition of goals would certainly allow that interpretation.  For our purposes, let’s agree that goals are a reach-it-and-be-done situation, whereas a system is something you do on a regular basis with a reasonable expectation that doing so will get you to a better place in your life.  Systems have no deadlines, and on any given day you probably can’t tell if they’re moving you in the right direction.”

“My proposition is that if you study people who succeed, you will see that most of them follow systems, not goals…If you know some extra successful people, ask some probing questions about how they got where they did.  I think you’ll find a system at the bottom of it all.”

Examples of goals vs. systems

Goal: Lose 20 pounds.
System: Eat right.

Goal: Run a marathon in under 4 hours.
System: Exercise daily.

Goal: Make a million dollars.
System: Be a serial entrepreneur

Examples of successful people who use(d) systems

  • Warren Buffett: Investing
  • John Wooden: Coaching
  • Jeff Bezos: Business
  • Michael Phelps: Swimming
  • Stephen King: Writing

So here is this idea in a nutshell.  If you focus on the goal, you’ll struggle.  So focus on the systems—the things you will do day in and day out—that are going to help you achieve the goals.  When you do that, the goals become a natural byproduct of using your system. 

Yes, the lines are sometimes blurry between goals and systems, but don’t get hung up on it.  Again, Scott Adams:

“The systems-versus-goals point of view is burdened by semantics, of course.  You might say every system has a goal, however vague.  And that would be true to some extent.  And you could say that everyone who pursues a goal has some sort of system to get there, whether it is expressed or not.  You could word-glue goals and systems together if you chose.  All I’m suggesting is that thinking of goals and systems as very different concepts has power.”

Benefits

So systems have power.  I think that’s partly because they give you more at bats.  You’re swinging every day.  This may produce more strikeouts in the long run, but it will also produce more walks, singles, doubles, triples, and the occasional home run.  It also affords you the opportunity to practice, learn, test and refine.  What are some other benefits of systems?

  • Mindset: According to Adams, “Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous pre-success failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do.”
  • Being Proactive: When you do something every day (or regularly), you’re obviously being more proactive. You feel better about something when you’re doing something about it.
  • Progress: Systems show more short term progress. Studies show that progress is the most powerful human motivator.  When you see progress, you’re motivated to do more and it creates a virtuous feedback loop.  Goals, especially big ones, are long term affairs.  The finish line is way off in the future.  You might never get there.  That can cause you to procrastinate, lose focus, get distracted and give up
  • Motivation: Again, progress = motivation.
  • Automation: Systems help you to automate processes and make them easier.
  • Improvement: The practice and repetition involved with systems helps you improve.
  • Iteration: You’re constantly learning, so you can integrate that into your system to make it better.
  • Energy: When you can celebrate little successes on a regular basis, that boosts your energy and makes you excited about doing more.
  • Self-awareness: Research shows that we’re terrible at predicting what will make us happy. Systems help you test your predictions (dreams, plans, goals) so you can get a clear understanding of what you want out of life.
  • Structure: Systems give structure to your activities so that you’re focusing your time on the things that will give you the skills, benefits and results that you want.
  • Productivity: Systems and structure make you productive. If you know what you’re going to do tomorrow or next week or next month and how you’re going to do it, you’ll get way more done than the person who wakes up and randomly bounces from one task or decision to another.
  • Skill acquisition: “I want to travel someday” doesn’t do anything to build your skillset now. “I plan and take one trip each quarter” helps you acquire the skills necessary to become a good traveler.
  • Simplicity: With systems, big, complex things (write a book, save $1 million, travel the world, etc.) are broken down into bite sized chunks that seem easier and less intimidating.
  • More time doing stuff: Goals are things you achieve later. Systems are things you do today.  If you have a goal to travel, you will hopefully do that someday.  If you have a system for traveling, you will be doing that today.  At a minimum, this gives you more time to enjoy travel (or whatever).
  • Focus: A system keeps you focused. It’s a repeatable process that you do day in and day out.  It keeps you from getting sidetracked with 100 other things.

Things you should systematize

There are two primary areas where you should implement systems.  First, you should have systems for things that you currently do on a regular basis.  This could be things like paying your bills, responding to email, eating and exercising.  You should have a system for each of those things that helps you to be both efficient and effective.

Personal Example: I used to pay my bills randomly as they arrived using a checkbook and a bunch of stamps.  Now I pay my bills once a month in about 10 minutes using online banking.  Less time.  No stamps.  Better system.

Second, you should create systems for things that you want to do.  Do you want to lose weight?  Save more?  Read more?  Travel?  Don’t just have a goal to do those things someday.  Create systems that allow you to do them today.

Personal example: I wanted to lose a little weight, but diets don’t seem to work long term and “Lose 20 pounds in 6 months” doesn’t help me overcome the temptation to stop at Dairy Queen today.  So I downloaded the app Way of Life and I had it ask me two questions every day: “Did you overeat today?” and “Did you do something active?”  Super simple system with daily accountability.  No foods were excluded, I just couldn’t overeat.  No specific exercises required.  I just had to do something active.  Walking around the lake counted just as much as an hour of high intensity weightlifting.  Result: I dropped 20 pounds in four months.

Application for retirement

How can you apply this to retirement?  Think about the major retirement goals that most people have.  Financial independence. Travel.  Hobbies.  Volunteer work.  Relationships.  Health.  Rather than keeping those as goals that you hope to achieve someday, how could you create systems now so you can start making progress?  I don’t want to give you the answer, because what works for me won’t necessarily work for you.  So give it a shot.  Think about what you want out of life and retirement.  How can you change that from a “someday” goal to an action that you’re doing by the end of today?

The Power of Habit

This post is already longer than most, so I’ll try to distill The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg down to the key idea that will help us turn our systems into habits that are effortless.

How Habits Work

Your brain is always looking for ways to save effort.  One way it does this is by “chunking” activities.  Simply put, it takes a sequence of actions and converts them into an automatic routine.  Duhigg gives the example of backing out of your driveway in the morning.  There are perhaps 20 separate actions involved in that process, but you probably do it without giving it any thought because your brain has “chunked” those activities and it does them automatically without even thinking.  It becomes a routine.  Your brain wants to try to convert pretty much any routine into a habit.  It does this in a three-step loop:

  • Cue: Step one is a cue that tells your brain to go into automatic mode.
  • Routine: Second, there is a particular routine (physical, mental or emotional) that you perform.
  • Reward: Finally, there is some sort of reward that helps to tell your brain whether this particular loop is worth remembering in the future and making into a habit.

Here’s an example related to exercise:

Cue: Your alarm goes off.

Routine: You get out of bed, put on your running shoes and go for a run.

Reward: After the run, you make and enjoy your morning coffee.

In this example, your brain soon starts to crave coffee right when the alarm goes off so it goes into automatic mode and completes the routine so it can get the reward.  Voila!  A habit is born.

How to Create or Change Habits

According to Duhigg, cravings drive habits.  If you want to create a new habit think about the routine you want to create and then come up with a cue and a reward.  If you want to change an existing habit, keep the cue and the reward the same, but insert a new routine.

Whether creating a new habit or changing an old one, the important thing is to get your brain to crave the reward.  The craving drives the habit loop.  It outweighs the temptation to skip the routine.  When a habit is created, the brain stops fully engaging and the activity happens automatically.  Once the habit is formed, you have to actively work to keep it from happening.

Keystone Habits

Certain habits start a chain reaction in other behaviors.  Duhigg calls these Keystone Habits.  For example, people who begin a habit of exercise discover that, in addition to exercising, they also naturally start to eat better, sleep better, be more productive at work and feel less stressed.  With Keystone Habits, you don’t try to get everything right.  You try to get several of the most important things right and the rest starts to fall in place.

Keystone habits can vary from person to person, but here is a list of 11 common (and sometimes surprising) Keystone Habits given by Duhigg:

  • Have family dinners
  • Make your bed every morning
  • Exercise regularly
  • Track what you eat
  • Get enough sleep
  • Save money
  • Develop daily routines
  • Prayer/meditation/reflection
  • Plan your days
  • Cultivate willpower or self-discipline
  • Journaling

That’s a wrap!

Well, let’s end things there.  We covered 3 big ideas that have the power to completely transform your life.  I know because I’ve seen them working in my own life and I’ve heard from many of you who have started to implement them as well.  Keep up the good work!

Joe

Quick Links:

Simplify your life:  The More of Less by Joshua Becker

Do more of what matters: Essentialism by Greg McKeown

Make the important things effortless: How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big by Scott Adams and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

 

Note: Since I have my own books for sale on Amazon, I am a part of their Amazon Affiliate program. The links above are affiliate links, which simply means that if you buy a book after clicking one of the links, Amazon (at no additional cost to you) will pay me a small commission that I use to help cover the costs of this site. That’s not why I recommend the books, of course, but I wanted to make you aware of it.
Essentialism

Essentialism

Quick review

I’m doing a 3-part series on how to overcome obstacles and achieve the real, significant and lasting change necessary to live the life you want, both now and in retirement.  It’s a 3-part series, because we’re covering 3 big ideas.  Idea #1 was minimalism: Deciding what doesn’t belong in your life—stuff, expenses, obligations, hassles, commitments, projects—and getting rid of it.  Idea #2 is Essentialism: Deciding what IS important and DOES belong in your life and then doing it more often and better.

Essentialism

After simplifying and getting rid of things you don’t want, you have room to add more of the things (relationships, projects, experiences, possessions) that you do want.  What’s the best way to do that?  For me, the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown gives a good roadmap.  I’ll summarize the key takeaways below.  Many of the ideas in this post are straight from the book, so just pretend there are quotation marks around everything.  You can buy a copy of the book here.

What

Most of what we do doesn’t matter.  John Maxwell summarized this best when he said “You cannot overestimate the unimportance of almost everything.”  It’s not that we’re idle.  We’re all busy.  We’re just busy with many things that don’t matter.  Essentialism is about getting rid of the trivial many and focusing on the vital few.  It’s not about how to get more things done, it’s about how to get the right things done.  It doesn’t mean doing less for the sake of doing less either.  It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy.  It is a disciplined, systematic approach for determining what matters to you and then focusing your time and effort there.

Why

When we’re unclear about our real purpose and highest values, we waste time and energy on nonessential things.  As a result, our life becomes a hodge podge of the things we truly want and the unimportant things that are allowed in by default.  Essentialism helps you define your highest ideals and priorities so you can live by design, not by default.

How

Essentialism is not about getting more things done.  It’s about getting the right things done.  To do that, you need to figure out what the “right” things are.  The answer is different for everyone.  Minimalism helped you decide what the wrong things were so you could remove them.  Essentialism will help you determine what the right things are so you can add them.  Here are some thoughts from the book on how to do that:

Step 1: McKeown says the first step is to get your mind right.  Realize that you have a choice in these matters.  You are the curator of your life.  Understand that practically everything is unimportant and that every yes and no decision you make is a tradeoff. A yes means a no somewhere else.  A no means you’ll have the ability to say yes somewhere else.  Is your yes worth the no that it creates?  Is your no justified by the yes it allows?  The problem is that we think we can do it all.  Who needs sleep?  Just cram more in.  The reality is, we can’t have it all and when we try we end up with mediocre results.  An example I really connected with in the book was Dieter Rams who was the lead designer at Braun for many years.  His mantra was “Less, but better.”  In other words, the disciplined pursuit of doing fewer things, but doing those things really well.

Step 2: Give yourself time and space to think.  The nonessentialist is too busy to even contemplate what things are important and where he should be spending his time.  Schedule time to think.  Start by asking yourself key questions: What do I feel inspired by?  What am I talented at?  What meets a significant need in the world right now?  What makes me happy?  What things am I most proud of?  Journal about your life.  Look for the lead in your story.  The important things that matter.  The things that actually excite you about your life.  Begin to filter out the noise. Look for patterns or trends, both good and bad.  Think about your life and what you want.  Do this exercise with the understanding that you will eventually focus on fewer things, but you’ll do them better.  Less, but better.

Step 3: As you contemplate those different things, they’ll probably fall into 3 categories: bad, good and best.  The “bad” will be an obvious no.  It will be clear that you shouldn’t be focusing future time on those things and you’ll be shocked that you’ve wasted any time on them at all.  The second two categories will be harder.  One will be a bunch of good things.  On a scale of zero to 100, where 100 is awesome, you’ll have a bunch of 70s and 80s.  They’re all things that you can justify, but they’re not great.  Still, you’ll have a lot of them because it’s hard to say no when there is some obvious benefit.  But remember, a yes to a 70 means a no to a 95, so the 70s and 80s should go as well.  Then you’ll have a shorter list that are all 90s and above.  Those are your essentials.  Those are the things that are important to you.  That is where you should invest your time, energy, resources and talents.

How to eliminate the good in favor of the better?  Writer Derek Sivers uses the criteria: “Hell yes, or no.”  That’s how he decides whether or not to pursue a new opportunity.  He’s either totally excited about it and can’t wait to start or he turns it down.  There is no “I guess so” or “maybe” or “why not.”  It’s either hell yes or it’s no.  Numerically, McKeown describes this as the 90% rule.  If you’re evaluating an opportunity and you rate it 90% or up, you automatically switch that to 100% and do it.  If instead, it’s some number below 90%–say 80%–you automatically switch that to 0% and cross it off your list.

Here’s something else that might help with your decision-making process.  Write down the opportunity.  Then write down 3 minimum criteria it would need to have for you to even consider saying yes.  Then write down 3 ideal/extreme criteria that it would need to be a 90% type of opportunity.  If it doesn’t pass the minimum, it’s an obvious no.  And if it doesn’t pass at least 2 of the extreme criteria, it’s a no as well.  If we’re going to have less, but better, we need to be tougher curators and have strict criteria.  Said another way, essentialists only say yes to the top 10% of opportunities.  It’s not about rejecting the bad in favor of the good.  It’s about rejecting the good AND bad and in favor of the great (or best).

Step 4:  Once you’ve eliminated the nonessential and determined what is essential, the goal is to make the execution of those essential things almost effortless.  We’ll save that discussion for Part 3 in our series.

Benefits of Essentialism

Below are some of the benefits of essentialism.  Some I experienced first-hand.  Some are taken directly from Greg’s book Essentialism.

  • We live by design, not by default
  • Less stress and floundering
  • Easier decision making. When you have ultra-selective criteria, it makes decision making easier in life.  If it has to be a 90, anything less is an automatic no.  If your criteria are too broad, you end up evaluating too many things.  That leads to either analysis paralysis or over commitment.
  • Better results on more important things.
  • Greater satisfaction in life and retirement
  • A feeling of significance and purpose
  • More time for the people and projects that matter
  • More clarity
  • More control
  • More joy
  • Less regret

Additional Thoughts

Throughout the process, I’ve learned all sorts of lessons.  I’ll list some of those below along with several more taken directly from Greg’s book (have I mentioned you should read it).

  • You have a choice about what comes into your life and doesn’t. You’re a curator.
  • Clarity equals success. When you don’t know what you’re trying to achieve, all change is arbitrary.
  • Every yes and no decision is a trade-off. A yes means a no somewhere else and vice versa.
  • Beware of Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). We let too many mediocre opportunities in our life because we’re afraid of missing out if we say no.
  • Beware the tyranny of the good. Saying yes to a bunch of good things pretty much guarantees that you won’t be able to focus on the best things.
  • Once you have identified your essentials, have metrics that allow you to measure how you’re doing with them. That which gets measured gets managed.
  • Stop making casual commitments. These creep in and overwhelm kind of like the frog that slowly boils as the water gets gradually hotter.
  • Say no fast. Say yes slow.
  • Sometimes it’s hard to say no because we don’t want to disappoint someone or miss a potential opportunity. Just realize that if you say no to something that isn’t essential, you will regret it for a few minutes, but if you say yes to something that isn’t essential, you will regret it for days, weeks, months or years.
  • Beware of the status quo bias. We tend to continue doing things simply because we have always done them.  That’s not a good reason to keep doing something.
  • Use zero based budgeting with your time. Rather than allocating time to things because you’ve previously allocated time to them, start from zero each year and only allocate time to things that you can justify based on essentialism.
  • Be a good editor. Use deliberate subtraction to enhance the results.  Less, but better.
  • Pause constantly and ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?” Are you doing what you want to do?  Are you doing it as efficiently and excellently as possible?
  • Once you get clarity and start saying yes based on a certain mission or set of principles, you will start to reap the benefits of making that consistent set of choices.
  • Grapple with the tough decisions. Making one tough decision will often make a thousand future decisions automatically.  Said another way, clarity is the action that makes thousands of future actions unnecessary.
  • Work to remove obstacles. The nonessentialist will pile on pressure and solutions.  The essentialist will make a one-time investment in removing obstacles.
  • When we don’t have our own metrics for success, we waste time trying to look good in comparison to other people’s priorities and according to other people’s yard sticks. Know what you want and how you will measure success in those areas.
  • Make sure the essential things get the resources they need (time, attention, money) and allow the non-essential things to just fall out of your life.

How to say no

Saying no is sometimes hard because we don’t want to let down our friends, family or co-workers.  Here are some thoughts from the book that can help.

  • When you must say no to someone, separate the decision from the relationship. You’re not saying no to your friend or coworker.  You’re saying no to an opportunity that doesn’t match your priorities.
  • Focus on the tradeoff. Focus on what you’d have to give up if you said yes.  Saying yes to a nonessential means you need to say no to one of your essentials.  Not worth it.
  • Ask yourself, “What is the consequence of saying no?” Sometimes we’re in the “have to” mindset and we don’t look at the consequences of saying no.  Sometimes the consequences are not that big a deal.  And yet, we default to “have to” and worry that we’re causing problems if we say no.  Honestly look at what the consequence of saying no is.
  • Remember that saying no often means trading popularity for respect.
  • Pause or delay before you say yes. Tell them you need to check your schedule and get back to them.  Anything to give you some real time to truly evaluate the opportunity rather than just succumbing to the pressure of a quick yes.
  • A clear no can be better than a vague or noncommitted yes. Don’t string people along.
  • Saying no is often in the asker’s best interest as well because they’re not bringing someone onto their team who is uncommitted and not 100%.
  • Be gracious, but don’t always feel compelled to justify or explain yourself. As Anne Lamott said, “No is a complete sentence.”

Subtract, Add, Execute

Once you’ve gotten rid of things you don’t want (minimalism) and identified the things that you do want (essentialism), it’s time to set up systems that help you execute those things effortlessly.  That’s what we’ll cover in Part 3.

Have a great weekend!

Joe

Note: Since I have my own books for sale on Amazon, I am a part of their Amazon Affiliate program. The links above are affiliate links, which simply means that if you buy a book after clicking one of the links, Amazon (at no additional cost to you) will pay me a small commission that I use to help cover the costs of this site. That’s not why I recommend the books, of course, but I wanted to make you aware of it.
The more of less

The more of less

Well, we’re one month in.  How is your New Year going so far?  Any progress on your goals or resolutions?  I’m not a huge New Year’s Resolution guy, but I am all in on the idea of living a life that has joy, meaning and purpose.

That often requires change (hence the resolutions), but change is hard.  The urgent overwhelms the important.  A host of bad habits smothers the few fledgling good ones.  How do you overcome those obstacles and achieve real, significant and lasting change in your life?  How do you decide what’s important to you and follow through on making it a reality, both now and in retirement?

I’ve been thinking about that for months and experimenting with what I’ve learned.  Along the way, I’ve wrestled with three big ideas that are essential to the process.  I’ll write an article about each and recommend 3 books for further reading.  Today is Part I.

The More of Less

It’s tough to live the life you want if the life you have is cluttered with stuff you don’t want.  So idea #1 is simplicity.  Simplify your life and get rid of things that don’t belong.  Some of you may remember my interview with Joshua Becker on minimalism and how to simplify life in retirement.  Not long after that, Joshua published a book called The More of Less, which I highly recommend.  After reading it and taking a class he offered, I decided to get serious about the clutter (stuff, projects, obligations, etc.) in my life.  I’m well along in that process now, so I thought I’d share the “why, what and how” in the hopes that it would be helpful to some of you.

Why

Lesson one of Joshua’s course was to define why you want to simplify in the first place. My why was simple: I want to minimize so I can maximize.  In other words, minimize stuff, expenses, obligations, hassles, commitments and projects that aren’t that important to me so I can maximize those that are and maximize things like time with family, time with friends, time for clients, freedom, financial peace, writing, traveling and doing.  It’s about becoming a minimalist in the things that don’t matter so I can become a maximalist in the things that do.

What

“Minimalism is the promotion of things I most value and the removal of everything that distracts me from it.”   – Joshua Becker

So when we talk about simplicity or minimalism, it’s not necessarily about how many shirts you have or how big your house is.  It’s about defining what’s important to you and what isn’t.  Then you ruthlessly cut the latter in order to create space, time and money for the former.

Key areas I set out to simplify and declutter

  • Home (wardrobe, bathroom, desk, basement, garage, car, etc.)
  • Office
  • Electronics
  • Digital life (apps, email, T.V.)
  • Health and body (eating, exercise, excess weight, etc.)
  • Commitments
  • Work
  • Budget
  • Personal finances

How

I decided to tackle physical clutter first.  I started with my car, because it seemed like an easy win.  The first thing I did was throw away everything that was garbage.  Then I took everything else from inside the car and sorted it into 3 piles: Things to keep in the car, things to relocate somewhere else and things to give or throw away.

I was surprised how much there was.  When you empty out the door compartments, seat pockets, center console, glove box, trunk and everything that is strewn about the floor and seats, there is a lot of stuff.  Most of it didn’t belong and it felt great to get rid of it.

Next up was the night stand by my bed.  Same process with an equally satisfying result.  Then my sink area and cabinet in the bathroom.  Then my desk, files, tools, wardrobe, the garage and basement.  My wife is in charge of most of the other rooms in the house, so I wisely left those alone.

I’m not done yet, but I’ve made a ton of progress.  Our garbage and recycling bins have been full each week.  We’ve taken load after load of clothes, books, tools, furniture, electronics and toys to our local mission or Habitat for Humanity.  A shredding company comes regularly to our office so we can securely get rid of old documents.  Between my home and work offices, I’ve added 20 banker’s boxes full of old papers to the shred pile.

After making progress on the physical clutter, I started working on other areas like projects, my health and my finances.  The process is a little different with those, but the desired result is the same: The promotion of things I value and the removal of whatever distracts me from it.  That meant working hard to finish up projects that I didn’t want to leave half done.  It meant looking at how we spend our money and making sure that we were investing it in our priorities rather than wasting it.  It meant simplifying my eating and exercise so I could be healthier (I’m down 18 pounds since September 1st).

So to review.  Make a list of the areas you want to simplify, minimalize and declutter.  For physical clutter, follow the simple 3 pile process (keep, relocate, trash/give away).  For non-physical clutter like projects, finish them up so you can get them off your To-Do list.  Don’t worry about having all the answers.  Just learn as you go and do what works best for you.

Benefits

Below are some of the benefits of a less cluttered life.  Some I experienced first-hand.  Some are taken from Joshua’s book The More of Less.

  • More than just a clean house. You get a more meaningful life.
  • More time and energy (our stuff takes a lot of time and energy to maintain)
  • More money (buying less, maintaining less, leaner expenses)
  • More freedom
  • More security (need less)
  • Less stress
  • Less distraction
  • Less environmental impact
  • Higher quality belongings
  • A better example for our kids
  • Less work for others (e.g. dealing with our stuff after we die)
  • Less comparison
  • More contentment
  • Ultimately more happiness and fulfillment
  • Enables you to fulfill your greatest passions
  • Enables you to be more generous
  • Enables you to live a more intentional life

Misconceptions

Below are the two biggest misconceptions about minimalism that Joshua mentioned in his book.

  • It’s not about giving everything up. It’s about getting the right stuff, commitments, etc.
  • It’s not just about organizing. It’s about de-owning, de-committing, etc.  Actually getting rid of the stuff that is getting in the way of what you want.

Thoughts and Lessons

Throughout the process, I’ve learned all sorts of lessons.  I’ll list some of those below along with several more taken directly from Joshua’s book or from other people prominent in the minimalism movement.

  • Clutter is a visual sign of procrastination and carries with it just as much anxiety. (Leo Babauta)
  • In essence then, clutter is a sign of laziness just as much as it’s a sign of overconsumption, disorganization, etc.
  • It is easier to see everyone else’s clutter than it is to see your own.
  • Live it yourself before you ask it from others (i.e. around your home).
  • We live in a world where 6 billion people live on less than $13,000 per year. Most of our financially related stress occurs because of artificially manufactured need.
  • A busy life is an unreflective life.
  • Busyness is a form of laziness (Tim Ferriss).
  • Minimalism serves as a gateway to intentionality in every area.
  • Opportunity cost: Life is about choices, but some choices are more valuable than others. Each time we choose something, there is an opportunity cost.  By choosing to do something, we are choosing not to do alternatives.  Therefore, we give up the potential benefit of those things.  Make sure that the benefits you gain from your choices are greater than the ones you’re giving up.
  • Deal with clutter right away. If you don’t, it builds up and procrastination gets easier as the task at hand gets larger.
  • The best thing to do is start and then figure it out as you go.
  • You clarify your goals and settle into a less-encumbered lifestyle at the same time.
  • Becoming Unbusy: Cultivate space in your daily routine. Reduce distractions.  Say “no.”  Appreciate and schedule rest.
  • This process will probably take months. Maybe an entire year.  I cleaned out my car in an hour, but I’ve got projects I’m trying to finish that will take months.
  • Success and excess are not the same.
  • Be very intentional about what you add into your life. Be a tough curator.

Fill the void

Once you’ve gotten rid of things you don’t want, you have room to add more of the things (relationships, projects, experiences, work, possessions) that you do want.  The next article in the series will help with that process and will cover some of the key ideas in the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown.  Until then, I hope you’ll spend time using the ideas in this article to pare back things that are unimportant to you with the ultimate goal of creating the life you want, both now and in retirement.

~ Joe

Note: Since I have my own books for sale on Amazon, I am a part of their Amazon Affiliate program. The links above are affiliate links, which simply means that if you buy a book after clicking one of the links, Amazon (at no additional cost to you) will pay me a small commission that I use to help cover the costs of this site. That’s not why I recommend the books, of course, but I wanted to make you aware of it.